Having Sweet Dreams Can Be A Nightmare!

When the springs of your mattress start "springing" out, you know it's time to get a new one. It got to the point where our mattress had become somewhat of a lethal weapon. As much as we wanted to, there was no more putting if off. We knew it was time. So, we put on our helmets and off we went on the dreaded mattress shopping trip. Here's a synopsis of how it went:

~As we entered the furniture store I felt somewhat like a mouse because as soon as our presence was made known we had numerous sale associates "pounce" on us. I knew this was going to happen, but somehow I was hoping it wouldn't. With big wide fake grins and dollar signs dancing in their eyes, they all wanted to be "of assistance" to us. UGH...........

~After telling them what we were after we were led amongst a maze of furniture to the section where all of the beds were. If I were to guesstimate, I would say there were probably at least 40. The first bed we were led to was the "Cadillac" of all beds. Of course it was their bestseller and it was for people who are bed "connoisseurs,"those that really appreciate a good night's sleep. Well, we like a good night's sleep just as much as another, but after seeing the price tag we decided quickly we could sleep just fine on another one!

~Sales associate then encourages us to take off our shoes and take a "test" drive, if you will. He tells us to take our time and says he will be back in just a minute. I'm thinking, "I have to try out forty beds and he's going to be back in a minute?" "No way!" I tell him make it fifteen, instead. FYI, he was back in two;o)

~It's at this point of the story I need to tell you that Mr. P and I love to sleep together, but we would prefer to do it in two different beds. I'm the kind of girl that loves a soft, downy, plush "bed and breakfast" kind of bed. You know, the one you sink into like you are floating on a cloud. Mr. P, on the other hand prefers the kind of mattress that I would think would be found on a army cot in the barracks. The firmer, the better. I'm talking no movement at all. You could bounce a quarter off of it. Ugh..... I start to feel a headache coming on.

~As we are making our way around the "wall of beds" I start to notice a pattern. Every bed Mr. P likes, I don't. Hmm......Every bed I like, Mr. doesn't. So then we start to examine the charts next to each bed to see if we can make sense of the whole thing. The chart gives numbers to rate the bed for firmness, durability, and comfort. Also, did you know that there is no such thing as an "ordinary" mattress anymore? They now have foam, air, pillow top, as well as a few other "must haves." Oh no, now my head is really starting to hurt. What? What does it all mean???

~I then start to become self-conscious because I notice that people are looking at us while we are laying (lying) in the beds. I feel it almost necessary for me to say, "it's okay, we're married!" Then I'm thinking, how can a person relax and test out a bed when the whole store is watching?As much as I tried to concentrate on the firmness number, I can still see them peering at us with my side vision.

~After awhile we started to notice a "tricky" thing that they did to try to fool us. They have the price of the smaller mattress in big bold letters, while the larger mattresses need a magnifying glass to be seen. Aw, no fair!

~I start to feel like Goldilocks in that famous story with the three bears. Me, "this bed is too hard" and Mr.P, "this bed is too soft." I have but one question, "where, oh where is Baby Bear's bed?" I need a spotlight to come from the ceiling and shine on the perfect one for us.

~After trying out one of the more inexpensive mattresses, Mr. P said that he thinks they are trying to make the cheaper mattresses feel bad by putting hard pillows on it. He said, "I think they have the really soft pillows on the expensive beds and the hard as a rock pillows on the cheap ones. We have now entered the paranoia stage of the trip.

~While discussing pillows my mind starts to wander and the part of me that is a germaphobe kicks in. I started to think of all the customers who have come before us that have laid their sweet little heads on the same pillows as we did. EEWW...... In preschool I told the children to never share hats because of "you know what." EEWW again!!!!

~Well, fifteen minutes turns into thirty, thirty into forty five, etc., etc.... You get the picture! The sales associate is about the wear a path on the carpet because of all the times he has come to "check" on us. After trying out all forty beds and thinking I can take it no longer,we decided to go back to the second bed we looked at. After comparing it to all of the others, we decided that yes, indeed, it wasn't too hard for me and it wasn't too soft for Mr. P!! Could it be? Why, yes!! So, we ended up doing what all happily married couples do, we compromised! It looks like we found Baby's Bear's bed after all!