January 08, 2007

My Closets And How They Have Opened My Eyes

If you were to enter my home on any given day I can be fairly confident in saying that you would find my house picked up, presentable, and "company" ready. The main reason I can say this is because I no longer have children in my home so the messes are not like they used to be. Another reason is I am a "neat nick," always have been, always will be. I don't like being surrounded in clutter because I do not function well. When I have "chaos" and "clutter" around me I feel like my life is like that as well. I have always taken as my "motto," "a place for everything and everything in it's place."

Today as I was in my bedroom I had a "thunder bolt" of a realization that almost smacked me in the head and knocked me down. You see, as much as I am a "neat freak" in almost all areas of my home I am the complete opposite when it comes to closets and drawers. When I walk into my closet or even walk by my closet I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Why? I am utterly and completely ashamed at how they look. I had thought of taking a picture but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I am not exaggerating when I tell you it would probably take a dump truck and a fork lift to get everything straightened out. I am not trying to be funny here, I am completely serious. Things get thrown and tossed about, nothing is in it's place, piles of various things are here, there, and everywhere. I guess I could use the excuse that I don't have enough closet space but I know in my heart that would not remedy the situation. I could have a mansion with a million closets and yet I know my closet would still look this way. Same with drawers. There are no neat piles, everything is just "stuffed" in there and it's like going on a treasure hunt to find what I'm looking for in the morning. Poor Mr. P. has to suffer through my neglectfulness and for that I am so ashamed and truly sorry.

Any stranger that would enter my house would think what a marvelous home keeper I am. Although everything to THEIR eyes looks perfect they never see the areas of my home that I just spoke of that are far, far from perfect. I only let them see the parts of my home that I WANT them to see. I know they will never have an occasion to go rummaging through my closets and drawers and so it is something that I just don't worry or care about. You see, on the outside everything looks "perfect," but on the inside, if you really dig deep you would see that it isn't. I am only taking care of things that people will be seeing and neglecting everything else. I need to say a big "OUCH" here right now. That is a hard pill to swallow and something that is truly hard to admit.

I made myself go back into my closet and it came to me that the closet represents my heart. Stay with me here, now. On the outside I like to look like I have it all together. I try to portray myself as being a good Christian who has this wonderful prayer life and this wonderful relationship with the Lord but sadly this isn't always true. My heart is like that closet, it is cluttered with messes. It isn't in the right place like it should be a lot of times. Instead of tending to the closet I get sidetracked by "life." Everyday as I walk by I think "oh, I will get to it tomorrow." "It doesn't really matter because nobody will ever see it." But guess what?? The ONE who is most important DOES see it. He not only sees my closets, he always sees and knows my HEART.

Instead of bible reading I might choose to watch a television show that does nothing but waste brain cells. Instead of picking up the phone to call someone who could use some encouragement I might pick up the phone and participate in gossip. Instead of appreciating my beautiful home that the Lord has blessed me with I might wish I had a home like my friend that I consider to be more beautiful. Instead of spending time in prayer I might spend that time with useless thoughts. Instead of spending money wisely and giving to those in need I might spend money on silly, unnecessary things without even batting an eye.

I am determined that starting today I am going to diligently work on that closet. I am going to get in there and scrub and clean. I am going to organize and prioritize. I am going to get rid of the "junk" and take better care of the "good" stuff. My goal is going to be that at any given time a stranger can walk into my home and go into my closet and I can hold my head up high and know I have done my best. The same thing goes with my heart. At any given time I want the Lord to be able to look at my heart and know that I am truly giving him my best. After all, if I am going to do that for strangers doesn't the Lord deserve so much more? No more hiding, no more closed doors, no more doing enough just "to get by." It is time to fling open the door and let the SONSHINE IN!


Anonymous said...

I love this post! Once again, you have really spoken to me! I am in the same boat with you and I would like to make the same change. May all our closets in our homes and hearts begin to come clean!

Mrs. C said...

Amen, Susan! As usual, you hit the nail right on the head. :)

I, too, am working on some of those "hidden areas."

P.S.~ Love the new look on your page. :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks Susan for sharing that post.

:) Candy

Anonymous said...

It is so refreshing for someone to admit that everything is not exactly right in their home and heart.
This is about my favorite post of yours.
Thank you,

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for this post! I too am working through all of the "hidden areas" in my home. It is such a wonderful-- freeing feeling to know that your house is REALLY clean and not just "surface" clean. Thanks so much for the analogy of the heart. That was awesome!!
Happy organizing!!
Lori from Ohio :-)

Senkyoshi said...

I understand what you are saying. I clean an area and then 2 days later it is a disaster again. It takes constant maintenance. This is so true of our relationship with the Lord as well. You have encouraged my heart. May the Lord bless you!

thehomespunheart said...

Well said! I think this is something we all struggle with in our own way. I pray that your organizing would bring peace and joy to your heart and home as well as a tidy space you can be proud of! :)

annewithane65 (Kim) said...

What a wonderful post Susan!

Mrs.B said...

Oh my! Susan, this post touched my heart *so much*!

I am experiencing the same thing that you described, both literally and spiritually.

Thank you for this wonderfully convicting and helpful post.


Sharon Kay said...

I love this post and you have said so much.....I just finished cleaning out every thing in my Florida home before the big move North...and there is so much I did not need, or use, and it all went in to different boxes, Good Will, save and throw away....We think of organizing the home but some times forget about organizeing our heart..and takeing the time to put God first and formost in our life. As always a wonderful post Susan.........Hugs...Sharon Kay

Mrs. U said...

Amen and ouch.

This is a wonderfully written and very honest post. I greatly needed to read this.

Thank you.

Mrs. U