My Closets And How They Have Opened My Eyes
If you were to enter my home on any given day I can be fairly confident in saying that you would find my house picked up, presentable, and "company" ready. The main reason I can say this is because I no longer have children in my home so the messes are not like they used to be. Another reason is I am a "neat nick," always have been, always will be. I don't like being surrounded in clutter because I do not function well. When I have "chaos" and "clutter" around me I feel like my life is like that as well. I have always taken as my "motto," "a place for everything and everything in it's place."
Today as I was in my bedroom I had a "thunder bolt" of a realization that almost smacked me in the head and knocked me down. You see, as much as I am a "neat freak" in almost all areas of my home I am the complete opposite when it comes to closets and drawers. When I walk into my closet or even walk by my closet I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Why? I am utterly and completely ashamed at how they look. I had thought of taking a picture but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I am not exaggerating when I tell you it would probably take a dump truck and a fork lift to get everything straightened out. I am not trying to be funny here, I am completely serious. Things get thrown and tossed about, nothing is in it's place, piles of various things are here, there, and everywhere. I guess I could use the excuse that I don't have enough closet space but I know in my heart that would not remedy the situation. I could have a mansion with a million closets and yet I know my closet would still look this way. Same with drawers. There are no neat piles, everything is just "stuffed" in there and it's like going on a treasure hunt to find what I'm looking for in the morning. Poor Mr. P. has to suffer through my neglectfulness and for that I am so ashamed and truly sorry.
Any stranger that would enter my house would think what a marvelous home keeper I am. Although everything to THEIR eyes looks perfect they never see the areas of my home that I just spoke of that are far, far from perfect. I only let them see the parts of my home that I WANT them to see. I know they will never have an occasion to go rummaging through my closets and drawers and so it is something that I just don't worry or care about. You see, on the outside everything looks "perfect," but on the inside, if you really dig deep you would see that it isn't. I am only taking care of things that people will be seeing and neglecting everything else. I need to say a big "OUCH" here right now. That is a hard pill to swallow and something that is truly hard to admit.
I made myself go back into my closet and it came to me that the closet represents my heart. Stay with me here, now. On the outside I like to look like I have it all together. I try to portray myself as being a good Christian who has this wonderful prayer life and this wonderful relationship with the Lord but sadly this isn't always true. My heart is like that closet, it is cluttered with messes. It isn't in the right place like it should be a lot of times. Instead of tending to the closet I get sidetracked by "life." Everyday as I walk by I think "oh, I will get to it tomorrow." "It doesn't really matter because nobody will ever see it." But guess what?? The ONE who is most important DOES see it. He not only sees my closets, he always sees and knows my HEART.
Instead of bible reading I might choose to watch a television show that does nothing but waste brain cells. Instead of picking up the phone to call someone who could use some encouragement I might pick up the phone and participate in gossip. Instead of appreciating my beautiful home that the Lord has blessed me with I might wish I had a home like my friend that I consider to be more beautiful. Instead of spending time in prayer I might spend that time with useless thoughts. Instead of spending money wisely and giving to those in need I might spend money on silly, unnecessary things without even batting an eye.
I am determined that starting today I am going to diligently work on that closet. I am going to get in there and scrub and clean. I am going to organize and prioritize. I am going to get rid of the "junk" and take better care of the "good" stuff. My goal is going to be that at any given time a stranger can walk into my home and go into my closet and I can hold my head up high and know I have done my best. The same thing goes with my heart. At any given time I want the Lord to be able to look at my heart and know that I am truly giving him my best. After all, if I am going to do that for strangers doesn't the Lord deserve so much more? No more hiding, no more closed doors, no more doing enough just "to get by." It is time to fling open the door and let the SONSHINE IN!