It all started when I was unhappy about my weight. I didn't like how I was looking in my clothes, I thought my hair style was unbecoming, my complexion wasn't peaches and cream beautiful, I wasn't even loving my smile. I'm pretty convinced that hormones had a lot to do with how I was feeling, but that's beside the point, I was feeling pretty "crummy" about myself and it didn't really matter why. I usually try very hard not to compare myself with others but I was even doing that and I was always finding myself on "the short end of the stick."
Normally, I am very frugal when it comes to buying anything personal for myself, ie, clothes, shoes, make-up, jewelry. I have never been a "clothes horse" as some ladies are and I am more into comfort than beauty on my feet. For some unknown reason and completely contrary to my nature I got it in my head that I really wanted a purse. Now, I'm not talking about just any purse, I'm talking about a DESIGNER purse. (Gasp!) I had convinced myself that somehow that expensive purse was going to make up for how I was feeling about myself at the time. It was if I thought I could buy my self esteem and carry it around on my arm!
I hemmed and hawed about the purchase for several days. The practical side of me thought "no, you don't need that," while the other part of me that was feeling low said, "you deserve it, go right on ahead and buy it." How many times in commercials and television shows have we heard that? Hmm .... After much debate I finally convinced myself that, "yes indeed, the purse would be just the perfect thing to make me feel better about myself," so I headed off to the store. All the way on the drive to the store this still, small voice kept telling me that I didn't need this expensive purse. This still, small voice told me that this purse was NOT going to make me any happier or increase my sagging self-esteem. But did I listen??? NO
Now, before I go any further, I want to get one thing straight. I am not in any way putting down ladies who purchase expensive designer purses or anything else. I am only using this as an example in my life ~ an example of when I should have listened to that still, small voice. I know there are as many other examples just as there are people!
As I am heading into the department store I feel my heart give a little "leap" of excitement and my steps grew more hurried. Finally, when I arrived in the purse department there seemed to be a light shining like a beacon right over this purse. It was like all other things in the department store had vanished and all there was was me and THIS PURSE. Now, once you see this purse you will understand what I'm saying here. Over the ENTIRE purse were the letters DB scattered about. For most ladies it stands for Douney and Bourke but for me it was telling me Don't Buy, Don't Buy, Don't Buy. Even still, I didn't listen to that still, small voice and I purchased that purse. I felt a surge of joy for maybe all of ten seconds, or at least until I got home, and then as quickly as it came all of that joy disappeared. What replaced that joy was the same feeling I had been having before and added to that feeling were guilt and shame.
I knew deep down in my heart what the Lord was trying to tell me. Money cannot buy happiness, money cannot increase self-esteem, and certainly my treasure is not here on Earth but in heaven. What happened next was a feeling like no other. I felt my Savior wrap his loving arms around me and he gently reminded me who I was in Him. He told me that I was precious in his sight ~ beautiful and special just the way I was. All of a sudden I felt a great sense of peace come over me and all of those bad feelings disappeared. They were replaced with a great joy and happiness that no amount of money could ever buy.
And what about the purse? Well, I kept it. It serves as a daily reminder to me. Whenever I hear that still, small voice I need to stop and realize where it is coming from. I need to heed the message because the "messenger" is always right!